


Breathe

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Dissociation, Friendship, Gen, ITSV Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memes, Miles is a middle schooler who’s been through a lot, POV Third Person Limited, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, could be slash if you have your goggles on, there’s no way he doesn’t have SOME form of anxiety/ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 01:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17377076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Thinking about the whole... collider-spider-person-thing is harder than Miles would like it to be.Alternately: Miles has a panic attack and Ganke is a good friend





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> You thought I was done writing Spider-Verse??? lmao

It hits Miles all at once, kinda like the out-of-control train he’d stopped just a week after shutting down Kingpin’s collider. It’s been two weeks since he’d sent his fellow Spider-people back to their own dimensions, two weeks since the Peter Parker of this dimension had died… and two weeks since Uncle Aaron’s funeral.

The funeral itself hadn’t been flashy. It was small, mostly family. Miles had cried, and his father had cried, and his mother had held both their hands and cried later, when she’d thought Miles was asleep. Aunt May —Miles had asked if he was allowed to call her that, and she’d smiled a little sadly and said yes— sat in the back, because Miles had invited her, and when the funeral was over, she’d given him a big hug and wished him goodbye with tears in her own eyes.

And then they’d lowered Uncle Aaron into the ground, and that had been that.

He’s sitting in class when it hits him, that it’s been two whole weeks since _everything_ happened, and suddenly, he can’t _breathe_ because all he can feel is Uncle Aaron’s blood on his hands, and all he can hear is Peter Parker —the Peter Parker from this dimension— telling him to stop Kingpin, and all he can see is _death_ and it’s everywhere and—

“Miles?”

He snaps to attention, every neuron in his brain rapid-firing as he straightens in his seat and throws his hands up in front of his face to protect himself.

“Ah! Miles!”

Slowly, the world comes into soft focus, and Miles lowers his hands carefully. He comes face-to-face with his roommate (and best friend, although Miles doesn’t think he can admit that without being called a weirdo) and tries to relax, his body still tingling.

“Sorry, Ganke,” he says, wincing. Ganke shrugs, his own posture loosening.

“‘s cool, man. I thought you were gonna hit me, or something.”

Miles shakes his head. “Nah, nah, I just… Lost in thought, y’know?” He glances around at the classroom —mostly empty, save for a few girls talking to the teacher at the front of the room— and takes the hint, collecting his papers and pencils and pushing them into his bag.

“Yeah, I get it.” Ganke smiles at him, that lopsided grin he wears so easily, and Miles can’t help a slow smile back. “You ready for lunch.”

“Am I ever _not_ ready for lunch?” Miles returns, and they both laugh.

The knot in Miles’ chest loosens some as they walk the halls of the Academy, although every little noise around him feels like it’s setting him more on edge than it should. He ignores it as well as he can; it doesn’t feel like spider-sense _…_ and that means that it’s probably regular old anxiety, and _that’s_ something Miles is sure he can handle.

And then they walk into the cafeteria, and Miles can’t breathe again.

He stops dead in the doorway, because it’s _loud_ and there’s so many _people_ and nobody’s looking at him but it feels like they _should be_ because oh god he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t—

“Miles?”

Ganke has turned back to look at him, and Miles is sure he’s staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth but he can’t figure out how to move his jaw to make words come out and oh god he’s going to have a panic attack isn’t he?

“Miles, dude, what’s going on?” Ganke is back at his side — _when did he get there?—_ and it’s all Miles can do to stare, to try and silently communicate how _bad_ he feels. He can’t _breathe_ if he could only _breathe_ maybe he could _talk_ and then he wouldn’t be standing here like some kind of… of idiot while everyone hustled and bustled around him.

Ganke grabs his arm and tugs him back through the door, away from the cafeteria, into the hallway. A larger body —one of the older high schoolers, probably— brushes past them, and Ganke manhandles Miles until they’re standing right beside the lockers, against the wall. Miles stumbles, but ultimately allows Ganke to lead him, and he slides down the lockers until he’s on the floor.

“Miles, you gotta breathe,” Ganke says urgently, and Miles wants to laugh and cry at the same time because _man am I trying to breathe._

When Miles brings his hands up to his face, they’re trembling, and he shoves his fists into his eyes and he’s not crying thank god but he’s also hyperventilating which is _bad_ and when he drops his hands, Ganke is crouching in front of him, his eyes just as wide as Miles’ feel.

“Do you need the nurse?” Ganke asks next, and Miles jerks his head slightly. _No._ He highly doubts the school infirmary will actually be able to do anything for him, and he doubts even _more_ than anyone else will understand what’s going on, or _why_ he’s panicking.

Ganke doesn’t look super convinced, but he doesn’t leave to go get help, so Miles will count it as a win. He drops his head again, trying to _breathe_ , and finally, he gets one deep, slow breath in and his senses are _rushing_ but it’s okay because there’s air, now, there’s air in his lungs and his blood and he’s _breathing_ and—

And putting his head down was a bad idea because it’s dark where his eyelids are pressed against his knees and the dark is _terrifying_ because he can hear the gunshot that killed Uncle Aaron and he can feel Peter Parker grabbing his hand and he can see the spider that bit him and—

Someone’s hand is on his back, patting it gently —albeit awkwardly— and Miles remembers to _breathe_ , and slowly, he looks up again, and the sound he’s hearing isn’t a gunshot, it’s the door opening and closing, and the hand he can feel on his back is Ganke, not anyone else, and he’s in _school_ , and thank god Ganke pulled him out of the cafeteria because Miles is pretty sure he would’ve been toast if he hadn’t.

“You okay, man?” Ganke asks him quietly, and Miles swallows hard and then shakes his head again once — _no—_ before giving a sad huff of breath that might’ve passed for laughter if he’d been able to muster it. Ganke stops patting him and nods sagely, and then jerks a thumb towards the end of the hallway, towards the double-doors that lead to the courtyard. “You wanna go get some air?”

Shakily, Miles nods — _yes_ — and he accepts the hand Ganke offers him to stand. His legs feel wobbly, but he balances more easily than he’s used to after such a bad attack. _Spider-senses_ , he figures.

Ganke leads them out to the courtyard, and they take a seat on a bench along the edge. It’s fairly cool out, which means most of the courtyard is vacant; most of the students seem to prefer the warmth of the cafeteria to the cold Brooklyn air.

“What _happened_ ,” Ganke asks once they’re sitting, like he can barely contain the question. Miles looks at him for a second, really looks, and—

God, he knows Peter Parker said to keep his identity safe, but he trusts Ganke, and it’s really, really sucked to keep everything to himself, and it’s not like he can talk to his _dad_ about any of the spider-stuff, so maybe… maybe, telling Ganke would be okay. And MJ knew!! MJ totally knew that Peter Parker was Spider-Man, which meant that he’d told at least _one_ person. Miles won’t be a bad Spider-Man if he talks to Ganke about it.

He hopes.

“It’s been a rough couple of weeks,” Miles says weakly. It comes out in a croak, and he clears his throat before rubbing both hands over his face and dropping them into his lap.

Ganke’s features turn sympathetic. “Oh, man. Your uncle, right.”

“Yeah.” Miles isn’t going to tell him now, but the way Ganke nods slowly like he _gets_ it makes Miles feel more comfortable with the decision.

Especially when Ganke’s next words are, “My dad died a few years ago. It was… really hard. So I get it, y’know?”

Miles nods, and he tries to offer a smile. It hurts his cheeks a little, but it’s worth it when Ganke smiles back, a shallower version of that happy grin he usually wears.

“My condolences, man.”

“Yeah.”

They’re silent for a long moment, just letting the vague sound of cars from beyond the walls of the courtyard fill the space between them. It’s a comfortable silence. Miles stares off into space for a good moment before zoning back in and looking over at Ganke. The smile he cracks this time is much easier to put on. 

“I know I’m keeping you from lunch, man. We can head back inside, if you want.”

Ganke laughs. “Could you hear my stomach growling from there?” he jokes, and starts to get up. He pauses after standing, though, and his expression goes serious. “You sure you’re okay to go back inside?”

Miles considers the question instead of brushing it off, because something inside of him tells him Ganke is being completely genuine. (He can’t tell if it’s a spider-sense thing or a Ganke-sense thing, but either way, he appreciates it.) And then, he nods once. _Yes._

“I’m good, Ganke. Thanks.”

“Yeah!” Ganke offers him a fist, and Miles bumps it. They both make the explosion sound at the same time, and then laugh. _It feels good to laugh,_ Miles thinks absently. “Let’s get that bread!”

“Oh, god,” Miles groans, but he’s futilely trying to hide more laughter, and Ganke’s laughing too as he leads them back inside, and Miles is pretty sure that Ganke is the best friend he could have asked for.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know a lot about Ganke tbh? I read a little about him on his wiki page but I’m basically working off of nothing so if anything is Dramatically Bad that’s why. 
> 
> If you thought I was above putting memes in my writing you don’t know me very well. 
> 
> Kudos/comments are love! Come scream at me on tumblr @deathishauntedbyhumans


End file.
